After A Year…

It’s been a long time since the last time I wrote about something,

I’ve been missing the clicking sound of the keyboard and the rush of thoughts that overflows inside my head when wanting to write down something. There are a lot of things inside my heart right now and I may not write it all down because some of it are personal and not that I do not want to share it but first I have to sort my thoughts.

The reason why I just wanted to write down something today here is because my heart has never been this SO grateful and thankful to the Lord – today seems an ordinary day, a usual regular day coming to work, addressing the concerns of my patient’s teeth. But in my heart, this day is NO ordinary, because today – i have never felt this grateful and thankful than ever.

I remember that a year ago I have been praying and hoping that this day will come, when I no longer face my reviewers, I no longer study hard for exam nor comply to the unending requirements of my course – dentistry. And today indeed, I may happily say that I no longer worry nor think of such things. Gone are the days that I have that student mindset where I always think of the things I should finish doing so that I can already finish my studies.

This note is significant because today I may see I have actually pass through what they called “transition stage” of being a student, being a clinician, turning into a full time private practice associate dentist. And today after almost a year, I have already taken inside my system the life that I have been praying and asking from the Lord.

and again I will say it, I never have been this thankful and grateful. I never felt this feeling of accomplishment and greatness and completeness inside my heart. If not for the Lord that has answered my prayers, I will never be writing down such things as these. But truly I can testify today, that the Word of the Lord is true, that His promises are real when He said in His words in John 15:7 “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” This has been my greatest desire, to live a successful life in practicing dentistry in the context of being a Christian and how I may give glory to God by means of being excellent in the profession that He has given me. And today, with much gratefulness inside my heart, I may say that my wish has been granted by the Lord our greatest God.

I learn that it is never impossible to have what we asked and we wish for before the Lord, it just simply requires  FAITH to keep believing in the Lord even at times we no longer understand why things happen to us, it requires PATIENCE for us to keep on waiting and waiting upon the greatest timing of the Lord and to keep inside our impatience, granting the desire of our heart requires OBEDIENCE to what God has willed for us, submitting first to what He wanted us to do, and in order for us to keep obeying we also need to keep reading His Words, another things is TRUST, trusting in the Lord and in His words even in times that God seems so silent and unreachable and lastly GRATEFULNESS to what God has given us – whether in simple things or in grandiose things, we have to learn how to be consistently thankful to what He has given even to the prayers that hasn’t been answered, and even to the delays that God allowed to happen. All of these things has a reason, and when God sees we learn how to be thankful and appreciate of what He has been given, He will reward us more than what we deserve. That’s how the Lord is, He is good, he is generous and he will remain faithful to His words.

Therefore my dear brethren, as you along read this article, may it give you also the encouragement to grow more in your faith in the Lord. We may not be in the same phase in life right now, but we can altogether apply what God has been teaching through His words. All God wanted from us, is to remain in His words for surely He will remain in us also. Find JOY in the Lord, find Hope, find Strength in His ever Almighty Name.

This is your Pretty Young Dentist, who happens to be a follower of Christ.

Signing off, till we see each other again. God bless you all!

Dear Heart

​As for my heart.. I prayed to God to have my heart back.. Actually it was here originally, it was just me putting it somewhere else that it doesn’t belong.

I finally came to understand that it is more joyful to release all the worries and anxieties I have in my heart and start trusting Jesus.. That as He loved me, as He filled my life with joy and love today.. There’s no reason for me to stay in that one lonely corner inside my heart where I don’t move on and keep feeling sorry for myself. 

Jesus came to love us, Jesus came to save us out from the longingness and loneliness we felt. He came here on earth so that we may receive love.. And now that we have fully understand that.. It is not difficult to find love and receive love from other people.. Because the Lord our God has already provided that for us.. We need not to beg for love, we need not to ask for love.. We need not to search for love.. because it was and is already being offered to us.. Why would we ought to search for it that in fact love is already here.. Love is here. And love is in the Name of Jesus. The more we soaked our hearts, our thoughts, and our minds to Him.. The more we get to see the beauty of our Lord.. The beauty of His love that is lavished upon us his children. 😍

Dear heart, please do not worry nor do not get anxious if the Lord our Father haven’t permitted you to have the man you’ve been praying for, now. Wait upon the Lord because the Lord is good and His favor is within those who wait on Him.. Keep trusting in the Lords promises.. He is the God of good timing, you will never be left behind as long as you keep trusting in Him. 

#heartscontent 

I choose JESUS.

This life has been a fast-paced one for me, I remember facing the year 2016 with so much excitement in my heart because I’ll be taking the Dental Licensure Examination and with four months of prayer and preparation the Lord granted my request to pass the Board Examination and that doesn’t stop in there anotherbig blessing came because the day after the result were out, I immediately went to a local dental clinic here in our place (General Santos City) to practice in a private setting.

And thinking again what the Lord has done in my life, thinking that 2017 is fast approaching here I am now with my heart in awe with the Lord, grateful and praiseful for all the He has done in my life and I came to realize how good and faithful the Lord is to those who are willing to submit to His will and willing to serve His people.

I am a living testimony, a living witness of how the Lord blesses His people, of how He shows His faithfulness and His goodness to His children. and that no matter how far we get through with this life ahead of us, we have to stand in our faith. To stand in what we believe in, that choosing Jesus is what it takes to live a life full of meaning, full of grace and full of beauty. Choosing Jesus no matter what life throws at us, will always lead us to victory.

I choose Jesus, it is all by the grace of God that we can be able to keep choosing Him.

Heart’s Content

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.. How much more if you write about it. We can learn about someone else’s heart if we learn from what he speaks and what he says. Once you see a person such like that, that’s a rare privilege especially if what he’s talking about is more of God’s heart, Gods’s will and God’s plan more than about himself and his plans.

One that denies himself and giving more priority in doing the will of God is somewhat noble. Being unconsciously selfless and learning to lean more and trust more in Jesus. That’s a man you should be asking for God, a man that loves Jesus more than you do. A man that knows where He is going and where He is staying.. Which is going towards a progressive and pro-active-serving-the-Lord future and at the same time a man that knows where to stay, which is in the presence of God.

This man is a rare precious gift from God and its never wrong to desire such man, as a woman of faith.. This is our time to put into act the practice of faith and trusting in the Lord.. That though this desire may somewhat sound perfect and too ideal.. its never impossible if were asking for it in our Lord who is the God of all possibility.

Women, this is the art of waiting.. It comes beautifully when we wait patiently in the Lord, when we trust fully in His hands, and when we choose not to settle for less… When we wait, we wait actively – praying to God that someday soonest then the man that we are seeking and desiring for will arrive.

#heartscontent

The Waiting Season

Yesterday I was reading a 5 -year old conversation in facebook, and I just happen to realize it has been 5 long years since I committed to the Lord not to get into any romantic relationships. It is something that I have asked before the Lord so that my heart will be guarded from any broken hearts, shallow expectations and the feeling of guilt getting into an abrupt decision just because of my mere emotions.

Now that the five long years have gone to past, and the freedom of considering someone to be with me for the rest of my days starts to linger. The anticipation of waiting came back again, the excitement of being in a relationship was rekindled and the image of being in a relationship that glorifies the Lord together is once again forming at the depths of my heart.

I do not know who is this person the Lord has prepared for me, I do not know if I am already acquainted to him, or he has already know that I exist all I know is that in waiting, we practice to pursue good attitude. That it doesn’t mean five years have already passed and I can just be in any  random relationship right now, it doesn’t mean that way… it means God has taught me to value the preservation He gave, and I should not easily entrust this fragile heart of mine to just any random person that gives me time and acknowledgment. 

To wait means to know that there is something worth coming up, all that it takes is having a good attitude while waiting.. Cancelling all the doubts and fears and putting faith in the Lord that there are greater things that awaits to those who are willing to wait. 

Clandestine – Final Chapter

CHAPTER TWELVE

Since that incident after McCollins birthday party I can’t stop myself from thinking about Sky although Brandon is officially my boyfriend now but it looks like everything seems out of place. It’s been four months since Brandon and I are dating but there’s nothing much of event inside our relationship. It seems that the level of our friendship is nothing to compare to what we are right now, it seems similar maybe the little difference it makes is that he’s doing his best and he’s trying extra hard to make things work for the both of us, our relationship together looks good from the outside little did they know I have some unresolved issues inside my heart. The wound Sky left me is still present, I’m hoping a scar would be left hanging in there but I can see to it that it is still fresh and I don’t have any idea what to do about it.

 

As I was walking home one day I saw a car unfamiliar outside my unit door and there’s a man leaning on it. In order not to get into any trouble I tried to avoid where the person was standing and walked at the back where he is facing, I thought I will not be found but my keys started to make some noise and made him turn and saw me.

“Hello there, Miss!” He smiled friendly unto me.

“Yes? How can I help you?” I smiled shyly, i didn’t have any choice but to face him, just to be polite.

“Do you know someone named Addison, Heather from here?” He asked.

“I’m afraid that’s me. Why?” The moment I heard my name, the expression in my face turned to full curiosity.

“I was send to take you somewhere.”

“Who send you?”

“This is a letter from the one who sent me.”

I was hesitant to take it, but since I’m curious I took it away and opened it.

Dearest Addi Heather Addison

I hope this letter would get to you, I have a lot of things I wanted to say. Let’s get reconciled and I won’t bother you anymore. My brother will be bringing you somewhere we can talk.

I hope I can meet you there.                           With all sincerity, Sky.

I can’t believe what I am reading right now, I feel like my heart was beating three times faster than normal. I didn’t imagine Sky would dare to make such grand gesture like this. I know to myself that in some ways or another we have to talk eventually in order to finish the things that are unsettled. If now is the time for it, then I am decided to go.

“OK. I’ll go with you but first give me some time to change.” I told Sky’s brother. I didn’t know he has a brother. Well they both look handsome.

—-

After a few minutes of changing my uniform to clothes that are presentable to wear, we went off to where Sky was waiting for us. My mind is full of thoughts again, there’s a lot of things I wanted to say to him and there’s also the things I wanted to know about him. I don’t think I can give him a chance, now that I am already committed to Brandon but I am greatly hoping that there would be a peaceful conversation for the both of us tonight.

 

After some time of thinking, I turn my head to the car window and watch the road where we are going, the car that I was riding went inside an overview park. It was night time and the sky was so dark, it seems that the stars and the moon are not that supportive for this event to happen. I went out of the car.

“Thank you Miss Heather for coming here tonight, I hope that you will have a great time.” Told Sky’s brother.

“Is this the way?” I asked him.

“Yes just follow the path walk, he’s there waiting for you.”

He said smiling and enthusiastic.

 

The place makes me feel overwhelmed. It’s a restaurant on top of the hill and you can see the city lights from below. Sky set up the place in the garden where only the both of us can talk. There were candles lighted everywhere and a soft instrumental music was playing in the background. Just what I said earlier, this is such a grand gesture and I feel ashamed to think that I am actually enjoying it. I feel unfaithful to Brandon by being here. I have to tell him everything when this night is over.

 

“Good evening milady. I am grateful that you made it here safe. I hope you’d enjoy the evening.” Sky greeted me with his nicest and perfect smile.

“I didn’t expect this.” I told him while sitting on the seat he pulled out for me.

“I hope I have exceeded your expectations. You may be wondering a lot why I made this night special, I wanted to tell a lot of things to you but before anything else let us enjoy the dinner first.” Sky stated and signaled the waiter to start serving the food.

 

I am impressed. The food was lovely to eat, I enjoyed the steak and the dessert that was served. It was a stress reliever. And I think I would love to have more after my conversation with Sky, I’m actually getting nervous because I don’t know what he is going to tell me and I need to have a concrete answer now if ever he’s going to ask me about anything.

 

“Addi? Did you enjoy the food?” Sky asked warmly.

“Y-yes it is perfectly cooked. I love it.” I said.

“Good to know you’re enjoying your time. Would you like to have some wine?” Sky asked politely.

“Yes please.”

After he poured the wine he started talking.

“First of all, I wanted to thank you Addi for coming here. I already told you that earlier but I am grateful that you’re here.” He started talking.

“You’re welcome Sky. I think we also need to talk. There’s something that I would like to tell you as.” I told him.

“You do? Alright what is it?” He asked interestedly.

“No, you should tell me what you have t say first.” I said.

“Oh okay then I’m going to start now.”

“Go ahead.” I smiled. Trying to lift up the mood.

 

“Heather I just want you to know that since I saw you that night when you first entered my restaurant I knew to myself that I have loved you since then.”

I remained still and eager to listen. I don’t know yet what to respond to his confession.

“I would like to apologize about your dress being showered by the glass of water, it was me who made it happen, so that I could come to your table and have to encounter talking to you again.” He said shyly.

“What? You did that? Why would you do that?” I was surprised.

“Of course to find a way to talk to you, and I’m so sorry. Honestly I already knew that you have been studying here in Richmond since day one of your medicine student life. Clark told me. I just didn’t want to disturb you that is why I never came to show myself to you. There are actually times that I see you around the campus but I’m not stalking you alright. It’s just that I have been withholding myself because I know it is not yet the time for me to tell everything to you.”

I remained still although my heart is obviously beating faster than the normal, I cannot believe this is happening.

“I said to myself that I will only come and talk to you when I already have established something, not to prove to you that I can make it but to show to you that you have been my inspiration to make it happen. And the “Green House” is the fruit of it. You have inspired me Heather, in ways you never imagined. You have made me do my best in working hard and in keeping myself preserve. During the night that you went to my restaurant for a birthday celebration I was so glad to see you there but when I heard that you were dating Brandon it crushed me. I never thought that you could be taken away from me. I was hoping that you have still feelings for me as I am to you, but the news about you being in a relationship made me realize that I didn’t have given so much effort and making it known to you, my feelings. And I cannot blame you for that and I am sorry for not doing so much.”

I saw Sky’s face, he was pouring out his heart and it is obvious that he’s trying to be more courageous in speaking it all out. I keep listening to him.

“I am sorry if I have hurt you in the past. I am sorry if I am too late doing all of these things. I know that you have Brandon with you now and I do not wish to break you off with him. I am not asking for you to be with me for I wanted to respect your decisions. As long as you are joyful and contented with Brandon then I will be to you also. I just want you to know that I have love you since I came to know you Heather. And I don’t know when this will go away, but rest assured after this confession I will no longer bother you. I send you off in peace and may you live in joy, with grace and love.”

 

And after he said that, he breathe so deep, so deep that his tears went back inside his lacrimal glands. He’s trying not to cry but all of the things he told me, it was all that I have been meaning to hear a long time ago. It was just so sad that I have already given my commitment to someone and I cannot take it back, it would break Brandon’s heart.

 

Sky is waiting for me to tell something, but I couldn’t find the exact words to tell him what I feel it seems that everything I wanted to tell him before was all forgotten because of what he told me. I seated there in front of him, looking straight into his eyes and tears fall down in my face. I cried. The moment was so sad.

 

I was crying because I couldn’t undo the time when I said yes to Brandon. I was crying because this is Sky, my first love, and the one I have been dreaming of to be with me as long as I live. This is him telling me this things that only in my dreams I could hear, but right now I am living in reality. I am so sad that our story has to end this way. Indeed it is never healthy to invest emotionally to a person you are still uncertain with. You’ll never know what lies ahead of you, it is only the Creator that knows and what we have to do is to keep trusting God in all our ways and decisions and I believe there is a reason why I already made my decision.

 

After some moment of tears and silent gazes, I took the initiative to break the ice. I started talking.

“I am surprise Sky with all of these revelations you just told me. I never expected you would do all of those things. I adore your honesty that you said all of these truths to me. I know that there is no longer any point for me to tell to you how much I long to hear those words a long time ago. I thought to myself that you never cared. That it was all purely friendship and you might just see me as your little sister or something like that.” I breathed some air.

He was just there eager to listen for the things that I have to say.

 

“I also felt important and loved knowing that you have made me your inspiration to make yourself reach success. I respect your loving kindness. And I would like to thank you for loving me the way I wanted you to. And I have forgiven you from hurting me and making me wait in the past. If I could turn the days where I said yes to Brandon I will still say yes to him. I will still choose him, I’m sorry If I have to tell you this Sky but it was God’s divine intervention that we didn’t end up together. I believe that all things work together for good and we may have the kind of feeling and affection to each other but I do believe it was all in the past; for me it is all in the past. Since I started dating Brandon I am really trying my best to reciprocate every efforts he has been showing me. It was him that made me feel like a woman and I cannot blame you for these things that have happen because I myself have turned out into something different. I was full of resentment back to you because you left me hanging. I do not want to regret anymore because things are already done and we cannot undo it. Maybe this is just our story. The kind of love that is different from the other.  You will still be the Sky that is very important and very special to me but it won’t be the same anymore. I honor your honesty and I honor the gift of friendship. Thank you for respecting my decision Sky. I hope that you will find someone better than I do.”

I told him straight in his eyes. And he was looking back at me, words cannot express the meaningful gaze in his eyes, he wanted to say some things to stop me but I saw that he understood what I sincerely meant.

 

It was so sad but this has to end this way. The mistake here is that it was all wrong from the very beginning, we started so wrong yet we decline to accept that fact and continued indulging to the deceptive feelings which lead to years of being imprisoned to one another. Indeed we cannot perfect love it is love that makes us perfect.

 

-fin-

 

 

Clandestine – Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

After some time of eating and talking with my friends from the party, I went out to get some air. I wasn’t thinking much about anything but I feel like my heart is so light and I felt the peace inside of me making that decision to be with Brandon. I know it would take a little bit longer for me to finally say to him that I love him too but I know for sure this is the path I wanted to go and I’m ready in whatever circumstances that will come in our way.
As my mind are full of thoughts I didn’t notice Sky coming close.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sky said smoothly. I turned to where his standing from and told him “My thoughts are not for sale, you know.” He chuckled. “Why are you here outside? All your friends are there merry-making.” He said.

“Nah, just let them be. The party will still go on even if I’m not there, it’s not my party you know.” I explained.

“Didn’t the celebrant exclaimed you have a celebration of your own?” Is it me? Or it’s just Sky being nosy?

“Brandon and I are together now.” I announced, just to satisfy his curiosity. I hope he walks out and never come back. One more minute of you being here will definitely make me regret of my decision. I told myself a little bit annoyed of my situation.

“What? Just now? But how?” He look surprised.

“Do I look like I can never have a boyfriend, Sky? What do you think of me, a girl that will forever be stuck in her past and will never move on?” I blurted out.

“Hey, I never said that. I’m sorry I didn’t meant to hurt your feelings. I’m trying to be friendly here, you know.” Sky said apologetically.

“Don’t feel sorry, I should be the one asking for apology – maybe I just need some more time to think. I want to be alone for now Sky.” I told him turning my back.

 

I didn’t notice Brandon was looking everywhere for me, when he saw me talking to Sky outside he immediately went out and came for me.

“Hey Sweetie, I’ve been looking for you, why are you here? Aren’t you cold?” Brandon took off his jacket and place it on my shoulders.

“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something, wouldn’t you introduce me to your friend Heathy?” He asked while facing Sky who looks annoyingly jealous because of Brandon’s stature.

“Oh it’s okay Bran, he’s not my friend – but he is the owner of this restaurant. Sky meet Brandon, my boyfriend. Sweetie, this is Sky.” I introduced them and they shake hands together.

“So you know each other, is that right?” Brandon asked.

“Yes we have known each other from the past, but I don’t know much about him today anymore.” I sourly expressed my thoughts in the face of Sky. He looks mad at me.

“You see Brandon, I’m the kind of person that never dispose friendship just because of immaturities and small misunderstanding.” Sky rebutted.

“You know what Sweetie, I’ve learned that whatever happened in the past it doesn’t matter anymore it was long gone and will never come back – the important matter is the “Now” which you are greatly part of.” I told Brandon making sure my voice is loud enough for him to hear every word I said.

“Uhm… I think both of you need some time to talk, it’s obvious that you have some issues that needs to be reconciled. I’m not sure what it is but hey, I’m cool with it.” Brandon is such an angel. I don’t know why he is so good. No no no there’s nothing more to talk to. Instead of speaking those words aloud Sky spoke first.

“That’s kind of you to suggest Brandon and I wouldn’t disagree to that, you have a great boyfriend Ms. Addison. I will wait whenever you are ready to resolve the “issues that needs to be reconciled” – I’ll go ahead for now then. Have a nice evening.” Sky went away and I feel so terrible for not saying anything.

 

I stand there my face looks so stunned. I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what to say

“Hey? Are you okay Heathy?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine. Let’s go home.”

“That’s a good idea.”