1 Timothy 1:19
“holding on to faith and a good conscience.”
This is the first day of December the final month before this year will come to an end. A lot of things, great and amazing things happen this year from first to the last quarter of this year there are many things that causes me to hold on to faith to God and have a good conscience, God has given me a lot of reasons to look upon Him and fix my eyes on Him whether it a victory, a need, a comfort, a belongingness, or something in between.
I came to the Lord tonight in tears because I miss all the great things and the amazing days from the past months of this year. Those moments where I was so filled with love and so overwhelmed with spontaneous activities and involvement with God’s ministry and God’s people. I miss those days when time cannot be stretch to have it all. Now that I have time it seems that opportunities are running out, or maybe I am the one running out from them.
I was in tears because I am afraid that my life after I pass the board examination will be as stagnant and as passive as these days have become. My heart is crying out to God because I miss HIM so much, yes His words sustains me every day, through prayer I get to understand the things I can’t understand and through prayer God gave me more patience to wait but still I am in tears because I can’t accept the fact that I have become passive. I have become a passive Christian doing less things for the Lord even the most important thing to do in the first day of the week I am already struggling to do it. I am struggling to go to church and I am struggling to have a fellowship with my old youth friends from my former church here at home.
Yes life gets difficult, God says in his words that we should not be surprised to have all kinds of trials rather we accept it as pure joy, because when we struggle and when we are in anguish it means we still have a heart for Christ and we still are alive spiritually even if it means breathing hard. We struggle because we are looking for a holy contentment, a satisfaction nothing else in the world can satisfy only God does. We struggle because we have been situated in a lifestyle where we are soaked in God’s love, God’s comfort and God’s people that not being situated in that position anymore hurts our heart and we struggle how to move forward and still holding strong to the faith God has entrusted to us. Yes I am struggling, I am having spiritual sicknesses, I miss my friends from the ministry, I miss my ‘manghuds’ in Christ that I do CCL and try to mentor spiritually, I miss my classmates at school, I miss doing the things I am so used in doing. I miss my old life, I miss my previous chapter of life. As much as I wanted to leave it behind, finish my studies and move on, still the beauty and the meaningful moments life has given me through those tough times makes me to have it again and again in my life. The difficult journey that cause me to come to Jesus and became strong in my faith is what I missed so much and now that I am no longer situated in that chapter of my life, I am still in the art of how to overcome this “moving-on” struggle. Life is so beautiful that it is such a waste to only remain in a chapter of our lives.
God’s words is powerfully encouraging us today to hold on to our faith to HIM and hold on to good conscience. When we do that then we know that the Lord will bring us into another kind of chapter in our lives where beauty, fulfilment and gratefulness to Him overflows. Let us be more patient in waiting upon the Lord for now let us keep His words in our hearts that we too should hold on to our faith in HIM. Even if life gives us lemons and potatoes. 🙂