Clandestine – Final Chapter

CHAPTER TWELVE

Since that incident after McCollins birthday party I can’t stop myself from thinking about Sky although Brandon is officially my boyfriend now but it looks like everything seems out of place. It’s been four months since Brandon and I are dating but there’s nothing much of event inside our relationship. It seems that the level of our friendship is nothing to compare to what we are right now, it seems similar maybe the little difference it makes is that he’s doing his best and he’s trying extra hard to make things work for the both of us, our relationship together looks good from the outside little did they know I have some unresolved issues inside my heart. The wound Sky left me is still present, I’m hoping a scar would be left hanging in there but I can see to it that it is still fresh and I don’t have any idea what to do about it.

 

As I was walking home one day I saw a car unfamiliar outside my unit door and there’s a man leaning on it. In order not to get into any trouble I tried to avoid where the person was standing and walked at the back where he is facing, I thought I will not be found but my keys started to make some noise and made him turn and saw me.

“Hello there, Miss!” He smiled friendly unto me.

“Yes? How can I help you?” I smiled shyly, i didn’t have any choice but to face him, just to be polite.

“Do you know someone named Addison, Heather from here?” He asked.

“I’m afraid that’s me. Why?” The moment I heard my name, the expression in my face turned to full curiosity.

“I was send to take you somewhere.”

“Who send you?”

“This is a letter from the one who sent me.”

I was hesitant to take it, but since I’m curious I took it away and opened it.

Dearest Addi Heather Addison

I hope this letter would get to you, I have a lot of things I wanted to say. Let’s get reconciled and I won’t bother you anymore. My brother will be bringing you somewhere we can talk.

I hope I can meet you there.                           With all sincerity, Sky.

I can’t believe what I am reading right now, I feel like my heart was beating three times faster than normal. I didn’t imagine Sky would dare to make such grand gesture like this. I know to myself that in some ways or another we have to talk eventually in order to finish the things that are unsettled. If now is the time for it, then I am decided to go.

“OK. I’ll go with you but first give me some time to change.” I told Sky’s brother. I didn’t know he has a brother. Well they both look handsome.

—-

After a few minutes of changing my uniform to clothes that are presentable to wear, we went off to where Sky was waiting for us. My mind is full of thoughts again, there’s a lot of things I wanted to say to him and there’s also the things I wanted to know about him. I don’t think I can give him a chance, now that I am already committed to Brandon but I am greatly hoping that there would be a peaceful conversation for the both of us tonight.

 

After some time of thinking, I turn my head to the car window and watch the road where we are going, the car that I was riding went inside an overview park. It was night time and the sky was so dark, it seems that the stars and the moon are not that supportive for this event to happen. I went out of the car.

“Thank you Miss Heather for coming here tonight, I hope that you will have a great time.” Told Sky’s brother.

“Is this the way?” I asked him.

“Yes just follow the path walk, he’s there waiting for you.”

He said smiling and enthusiastic.

 

The place makes me feel overwhelmed. It’s a restaurant on top of the hill and you can see the city lights from below. Sky set up the place in the garden where only the both of us can talk. There were candles lighted everywhere and a soft instrumental music was playing in the background. Just what I said earlier, this is such a grand gesture and I feel ashamed to think that I am actually enjoying it. I feel unfaithful to Brandon by being here. I have to tell him everything when this night is over.

 

“Good evening milady. I am grateful that you made it here safe. I hope you’d enjoy the evening.” Sky greeted me with his nicest and perfect smile.

“I didn’t expect this.” I told him while sitting on the seat he pulled out for me.

“I hope I have exceeded your expectations. You may be wondering a lot why I made this night special, I wanted to tell a lot of things to you but before anything else let us enjoy the dinner first.” Sky stated and signaled the waiter to start serving the food.

 

I am impressed. The food was lovely to eat, I enjoyed the steak and the dessert that was served. It was a stress reliever. And I think I would love to have more after my conversation with Sky, I’m actually getting nervous because I don’t know what he is going to tell me and I need to have a concrete answer now if ever he’s going to ask me about anything.

 

“Addi? Did you enjoy the food?” Sky asked warmly.

“Y-yes it is perfectly cooked. I love it.” I said.

“Good to know you’re enjoying your time. Would you like to have some wine?” Sky asked politely.

“Yes please.”

After he poured the wine he started talking.

“First of all, I wanted to thank you Addi for coming here. I already told you that earlier but I am grateful that you’re here.” He started talking.

“You’re welcome Sky. I think we also need to talk. There’s something that I would like to tell you as.” I told him.

“You do? Alright what is it?” He asked interestedly.

“No, you should tell me what you have t say first.” I said.

“Oh okay then I’m going to start now.”

“Go ahead.” I smiled. Trying to lift up the mood.

 

“Heather I just want you to know that since I saw you that night when you first entered my restaurant I knew to myself that I have loved you since then.”

I remained still and eager to listen. I don’t know yet what to respond to his confession.

“I would like to apologize about your dress being showered by the glass of water, it was me who made it happen, so that I could come to your table and have to encounter talking to you again.” He said shyly.

“What? You did that? Why would you do that?” I was surprised.

“Of course to find a way to talk to you, and I’m so sorry. Honestly I already knew that you have been studying here in Richmond since day one of your medicine student life. Clark told me. I just didn’t want to disturb you that is why I never came to show myself to you. There are actually times that I see you around the campus but I’m not stalking you alright. It’s just that I have been withholding myself because I know it is not yet the time for me to tell everything to you.”

I remained still although my heart is obviously beating faster than the normal, I cannot believe this is happening.

“I said to myself that I will only come and talk to you when I already have established something, not to prove to you that I can make it but to show to you that you have been my inspiration to make it happen. And the “Green House” is the fruit of it. You have inspired me Heather, in ways you never imagined. You have made me do my best in working hard and in keeping myself preserve. During the night that you went to my restaurant for a birthday celebration I was so glad to see you there but when I heard that you were dating Brandon it crushed me. I never thought that you could be taken away from me. I was hoping that you have still feelings for me as I am to you, but the news about you being in a relationship made me realize that I didn’t have given so much effort and making it known to you, my feelings. And I cannot blame you for that and I am sorry for not doing so much.”

I saw Sky’s face, he was pouring out his heart and it is obvious that he’s trying to be more courageous in speaking it all out. I keep listening to him.

“I am sorry if I have hurt you in the past. I am sorry if I am too late doing all of these things. I know that you have Brandon with you now and I do not wish to break you off with him. I am not asking for you to be with me for I wanted to respect your decisions. As long as you are joyful and contented with Brandon then I will be to you also. I just want you to know that I have love you since I came to know you Heather. And I don’t know when this will go away, but rest assured after this confession I will no longer bother you. I send you off in peace and may you live in joy, with grace and love.”

 

And after he said that, he breathe so deep, so deep that his tears went back inside his lacrimal glands. He’s trying not to cry but all of the things he told me, it was all that I have been meaning to hear a long time ago. It was just so sad that I have already given my commitment to someone and I cannot take it back, it would break Brandon’s heart.

 

Sky is waiting for me to tell something, but I couldn’t find the exact words to tell him what I feel it seems that everything I wanted to tell him before was all forgotten because of what he told me. I seated there in front of him, looking straight into his eyes and tears fall down in my face. I cried. The moment was so sad.

 

I was crying because I couldn’t undo the time when I said yes to Brandon. I was crying because this is Sky, my first love, and the one I have been dreaming of to be with me as long as I live. This is him telling me this things that only in my dreams I could hear, but right now I am living in reality. I am so sad that our story has to end this way. Indeed it is never healthy to invest emotionally to a person you are still uncertain with. You’ll never know what lies ahead of you, it is only the Creator that knows and what we have to do is to keep trusting God in all our ways and decisions and I believe there is a reason why I already made my decision.

 

After some moment of tears and silent gazes, I took the initiative to break the ice. I started talking.

“I am surprise Sky with all of these revelations you just told me. I never expected you would do all of those things. I adore your honesty that you said all of these truths to me. I know that there is no longer any point for me to tell to you how much I long to hear those words a long time ago. I thought to myself that you never cared. That it was all purely friendship and you might just see me as your little sister or something like that.” I breathed some air.

He was just there eager to listen for the things that I have to say.

 

“I also felt important and loved knowing that you have made me your inspiration to make yourself reach success. I respect your loving kindness. And I would like to thank you for loving me the way I wanted you to. And I have forgiven you from hurting me and making me wait in the past. If I could turn the days where I said yes to Brandon I will still say yes to him. I will still choose him, I’m sorry If I have to tell you this Sky but it was God’s divine intervention that we didn’t end up together. I believe that all things work together for good and we may have the kind of feeling and affection to each other but I do believe it was all in the past; for me it is all in the past. Since I started dating Brandon I am really trying my best to reciprocate every efforts he has been showing me. It was him that made me feel like a woman and I cannot blame you for these things that have happen because I myself have turned out into something different. I was full of resentment back to you because you left me hanging. I do not want to regret anymore because things are already done and we cannot undo it. Maybe this is just our story. The kind of love that is different from the other.  You will still be the Sky that is very important and very special to me but it won’t be the same anymore. I honor your honesty and I honor the gift of friendship. Thank you for respecting my decision Sky. I hope that you will find someone better than I do.”

I told him straight in his eyes. And he was looking back at me, words cannot express the meaningful gaze in his eyes, he wanted to say some things to stop me but I saw that he understood what I sincerely meant.

 

It was so sad but this has to end this way. The mistake here is that it was all wrong from the very beginning, we started so wrong yet we decline to accept that fact and continued indulging to the deceptive feelings which lead to years of being imprisoned to one another. Indeed we cannot perfect love it is love that makes us perfect.

 

-fin-

 

 

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Clandestine – Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

After some time of eating and talking with my friends from the party, I went out to get some air. I wasn’t thinking much about anything but I feel like my heart is so light and I felt the peace inside of me making that decision to be with Brandon. I know it would take a little bit longer for me to finally say to him that I love him too but I know for sure this is the path I wanted to go and I’m ready in whatever circumstances that will come in our way.
As my mind are full of thoughts I didn’t notice Sky coming close.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sky said smoothly. I turned to where his standing from and told him “My thoughts are not for sale, you know.” He chuckled. “Why are you here outside? All your friends are there merry-making.” He said.

“Nah, just let them be. The party will still go on even if I’m not there, it’s not my party you know.” I explained.

“Didn’t the celebrant exclaimed you have a celebration of your own?” Is it me? Or it’s just Sky being nosy?

“Brandon and I are together now.” I announced, just to satisfy his curiosity. I hope he walks out and never come back. One more minute of you being here will definitely make me regret of my decision. I told myself a little bit annoyed of my situation.

“What? Just now? But how?” He look surprised.

“Do I look like I can never have a boyfriend, Sky? What do you think of me, a girl that will forever be stuck in her past and will never move on?” I blurted out.

“Hey, I never said that. I’m sorry I didn’t meant to hurt your feelings. I’m trying to be friendly here, you know.” Sky said apologetically.

“Don’t feel sorry, I should be the one asking for apology – maybe I just need some more time to think. I want to be alone for now Sky.” I told him turning my back.

 

I didn’t notice Brandon was looking everywhere for me, when he saw me talking to Sky outside he immediately went out and came for me.

“Hey Sweetie, I’ve been looking for you, why are you here? Aren’t you cold?” Brandon took off his jacket and place it on my shoulders.

“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something, wouldn’t you introduce me to your friend Heathy?” He asked while facing Sky who looks annoyingly jealous because of Brandon’s stature.

“Oh it’s okay Bran, he’s not my friend – but he is the owner of this restaurant. Sky meet Brandon, my boyfriend. Sweetie, this is Sky.” I introduced them and they shake hands together.

“So you know each other, is that right?” Brandon asked.

“Yes we have known each other from the past, but I don’t know much about him today anymore.” I sourly expressed my thoughts in the face of Sky. He looks mad at me.

“You see Brandon, I’m the kind of person that never dispose friendship just because of immaturities and small misunderstanding.” Sky rebutted.

“You know what Sweetie, I’ve learned that whatever happened in the past it doesn’t matter anymore it was long gone and will never come back – the important matter is the “Now” which you are greatly part of.” I told Brandon making sure my voice is loud enough for him to hear every word I said.

“Uhm… I think both of you need some time to talk, it’s obvious that you have some issues that needs to be reconciled. I’m not sure what it is but hey, I’m cool with it.” Brandon is such an angel. I don’t know why he is so good. No no no there’s nothing more to talk to. Instead of speaking those words aloud Sky spoke first.

“That’s kind of you to suggest Brandon and I wouldn’t disagree to that, you have a great boyfriend Ms. Addison. I will wait whenever you are ready to resolve the “issues that needs to be reconciled” – I’ll go ahead for now then. Have a nice evening.” Sky went away and I feel so terrible for not saying anything.

 

I stand there my face looks so stunned. I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what to say

“Hey? Are you okay Heathy?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine. Let’s go home.”

“That’s a good idea.”

Clandestine – Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

My internship began to start although my schedule is quite hectic these past few days I can’t help but to allow my mind to think of Sky. I don’t know what I saw about him that I really like about, but after that incident at the campus ground my mind and my heart became so preoccupied.

If you’d just tell it to me directly whatever you feel or if at least you still have some feelings then I would let you know frankly that up until now it is still you that I think about and hoping that I could end up with.

I thought to myself while walking towards my locker to get some stuff for my next class. I was so full of thoughts inside my mind I didn’t notice Brandon was standing beside my locker.

“Hey there, heathy! What’s with the face?” Brandon asked looking way handsome standing there.

“W-what? What’s in my face? Is there any dirt?
I asked not minding how funny I looked like. Sometimes I could be comical even if things get so serious already.

“Ha ha!! You look funny, NO you don’t have any dirt in your face, but you look worried. Are you okay?” Brandon asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m not sure if I’m okay, guess I’m just hungry or something.” I told Brandon trying to look normal not wanting him to know what’s running inside my mind.
“If you don’t feel well, please be comfortable enough to tell me. I’m just here willing to help you with anything.” Brandon sounded so assuring, this guy is perfect the only problem is that there’s no spark between him and me.

“Thank you, Bran. I’ll keep that in my mind. Let’s go before we get late.” I give him a smile and we went together for our next class.

 

 

——–

“Alright, that’s a wrap! Be sure to finish reading chapters 18-26 because I’ll be giving a short examination next meeting.” Professor Cook announced after our class.

“When’s our next meeting for Surgery again, Bran?” I asked Brandon. “It’s the day after tomorrow.” He answered.

Oh no! This is hell week of fun.

“Let’s study over your place later tonight?”

“Ok then.” I answered Brandon.

 

As we were walking together at the corridor one of our classmate suddenly raised her voice and said something.

“Hey Heather, its McCollin’s birthday bash later tonight! Both of you are invited. See you there!!” Claudia told both of us and she went ahead in the pool of students walking away also.

“Where? What time? What to wear?” Brandon shouted.

“8 o’clock sharp. Green House. Something nice and black.” Claudia answered with a smile. She’s so informative, I wanted to go but because of the venue I’m no longer interested.

“Thanks for informing us, tell McCollins I’m not going – I’ll just make it up to him one of these days.” I immediately decline the invitation.

“What? Well that’s too bad Heathy, he told me you’re the one to pray for the blessings of the food. Who’s going to do that if you’re not there?” Claudia’s reaction is a mix of confusion and disappointment she went back where we were standing and announced about McCollins birthday program.

“He told you that? Oh, then I guess we don’t have a choice but to go.” Brandon blurted.

“Ok then. We’ll be there. 8 o’clock.” I told her with no feelings.

“Why do you sound like you don’t want to go? I thought you’re a woman of parties and food.” Brandon was curious.

“I am. I just don’t like the place that’s all.”

“Then let’s get out of there after your part in the program.”

“Yes I’ll definitely do that.”

“Come on, cheer up. I’ll fetch you at your apartment by 7pm alright?” Brandon said.

 

We parted ways and I walked to my car alone, thinking why couldn’t I just choose Brandon? He’s everything that I wanted to be as my future mate I remember making a list of the qualities I wanted my lifetime partner to be like and every day I prayed for it during my pre-med years and now that there’s actually someone whose actually become the reality of that list I couldn’t believe that the most important ingredient for my decision is not present. And that is my emotional feelings for him. There’s really nothing. Even if he’s the most perfect person in the world.

 

The afternoon went uneventful, I just went home still with a down casted soul because I’m starting to get confuse whom I should really consider. I’m afraid that when I go to Green House and suddenly bump into Sky all my feelings will come back once and for all for him. I started to get ready and didn’t mind what to wear, I didn’t notice that the black dress I wore was the same one when I went to the Green House for the first time.

 

The doorbell rang. It means Brandon is already here, good thing I’m all ready to go so I went out and found him holding the favorite flowers I love in the world – purple tulips.

 

“Bran? That’s a beautiful thing you’re holding there.”

I smiled at him and turn my gaze to the beautiful bouquet of flowers.

“You’re far more beautiful than them, Heather.”

Brandon suddenly went on his knees and lift up the flowers towards me. “To the most beautiful lady I’ve ever known in my entire life, the one who brings out the best in me. Heather Addison, will you honor me asking you to be my girlfriend?” Brandon asked, he was so sincere and I can tell it from his eyes that he gathered all his courage to ask me that one important question that night. I don’t know what to do actually because I was a bit of surprised.

“Before I answer that question, come and stand first.” I smiled at him, I feel like the one celebrating the birthday because the occasion has suddenly shifted to this event.

“I did not expect that Bran, but I’m really touched by what you did.” I took the flowers and hold his hands. “I want you to know that it’s a YES! I’m committing myself to you. Yes Indeed Bran”

“Y-yes? Seriously?” He look surprised also.

“Yes!! I’m your girlfriend now.” I told him.

“Oh I can’t believe it! Thank You GOD for answering my prayer!” He shouted and to think we were both standing outside my apartment door when he did all of that.

“Shhh don’t be so scandalous. Come on now, we have a party to attend to.” I chuckled and closed the door of my apartment. When I faced him he held me in his arms and embraced me lightly.

“Thank you Heathy, for coming into my life. I love you now and I will love you always.” He said in small sweet voice.

I feel like my heart was floating in the clouds I wanted to tell him the same thing but what went out into my mouth was, “Thank you Bran.” He didn’t reacted bad but I felt like he wanted to hear more than that. I will work out on that Bran.

And so we went to the venue, he was driving my car and we went together inside. He held my hands and everyone saw it.

“Look who’s here! It’s the lovebirds!” Claudia announced.

“Yes my friends, Its OFFICIAL!” Brandon declared.

Everyone made some noise and celebrated with us, I feel a little bit ashamed since this is McCollin’s birthday party and we were taking the attention of the people.

“Congratulations my friend! But I guess we have to celebrate that later tonight, for now come on and let’s start the evening. Heathy? The floor is yours.” McCollin came and signaled me to start the opening prayer for his birthday program.

“…may you bless McCollin for more birthday celebrations to come, and this we pray O Lord, Amen.” And we all sang together the Happy Birthday Song for McCollin, the waiter came and brought to him his cake. “Thank you Guys, enjoy the food tonight, it’s my treat!” McCollin announced. And so the night went jolly and full of celebrations.

Clandestine – Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Universities are usually an ideal community for me, this is where you get to live in a place where you are isolated to the real world and your priority in life is to simply finish the course you have taken. From the three universities I have been to, Richmond University is not one of the best, but it reached the standards to qualify of becoming a quality university.

As I was taking a stroll on the university grounds, gazing at the beauty of the old century church where most of the people go to, I stand in awe and amaze of this wonderful place, a sacred nook where I find myself feeling safe and where my strength is being regained.

It was an afternoon stroll where the sunlight are about to descend back to the heavens where the night sky and the daylight meet. On the boulevard outside the university gates is made to meet with the open sea; the school campus was located at the coastal area of the city and though it feels country side at times, I still like the simplicity of the place where every day I get to gaze at this beautiful view of the church, the sunset and the seaside. It seems like nothing much is greater than appreciating the simple things we get to see and experience in our daily lives.

 

As I was so lost delighting in the beauty I am gazing, I didn’t notice someone was approaching me, it was Sky.

“Hey there, I didn’t expect to bump into you.”
“Oh, I didn’t expect to bump into you, too.” I said thinking of how I would get away with him.

“How are you, Heather?”

“I’m doing fine, you?” I said coldly. I can see the sincerity from his eyes that he looks like he really cares.

“I’m thinking a lot most of these days, you know.” He was in a serious mode. And he looks stunningly handsome when he looks like this.

“Really? Good for you, then.” I’m really trying how to end the conversation. Let’s try to be boring.

“Now that you’re here, I think it’s your right also to know that you’re one of the many things that has been going on inside my mind.” He said looking straight into my eyes, he looks serious but at the same time I can see that he looks sad and lonely inside.

“W-why would I be?” I stuttered. Shocks, I didn’t expect this was coming.

“I understand why is it that you don’t want to see me anymore, but what I don’t understand is that why I wouldn’t want you to allow that to happen.” He sounds so complicated, now that he’s trying to figure out things inside his head and talking about it immediately.

“Since you have clearly known my side, I don’t think there is something more I need to clear up with you. Obviously you’re confuse, maybe you need something to clear up in that brain of yours.”

“Yeah I think you’re right, and the easiest way for me to figure things out is through your help. I know you understand me the most.” Sky said, trying to mean something else.

“Excuse me?” I was surprised. This is crazy.

“I may not be in the position to ask help from you, but I am really struggling about important matters in my life right now. If it’s not too much to ask, would you please help me recover?” Sky said.

“I don’t think I can help you with that, I already told you – there’s nothing left for me to get attached with you again.”

“Then how about let’s have another start? Forgetting about the past, and try once again if this would last?” He said, trying hard to convince me to go back and be close with him again.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sorry Sky but I cannot help you – try helping yourself, you’ll find your way on your own.” I turned my back to walk away but he stopped me and put his hands on my shoulders.

“Wait. Heather, please give me a second chance. Help me find my way back again to you.” There it is. I heard him with all sincerity, with courage to say that to me. Hearing what he just have said makes me feel like my heart was all going back to him again. Oh no. why is he pursuing me now? Now that I’m starting to consider Brandon.

I turn and face Sky. “If you really want help – ask for it, then maybe just maybe you will find. Now, let me excuse myself, goodbye for now. Sky.” I walked away, with my head held up high. I don’t want to look weak nor to look desperate but deep inside my mind and my heart I wanted him to come back into my life.

 

 

Clandestine – Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

 

When I arrived at my studio I saw Brandon waiting outside the footsteps of my unit door. Before I came out of my car I made sure that no tears were evident in my face and I tried to wear my nicest smile. There’s more to life than living in the past, Heather. Forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead. Cheer up. I told myself trying to boost my mood up.

 

“Hi handsome, how long did you wait here? Why didn’t you inform me that you’re coming?” I asked Brandon while opening the door of my studio.

“I thought I could surprise you earlier by coming here uninformed but it was me that was surprised. Anyways, have you eaten your dinner yet?” Brandon was enthusiastic though it looks like he waited for me for almost an hour.

“Let me make it up to you by treating you with dinner,” I said to him ushering him inside the house.

“Yeah, I have an idea, we can have dinner at the Green House they said that the food is great in there.” Brandon said.

“No no no, we can’t go there. I do not like how they serve the customers. Let’s just have chicken and beer delivered. That’s our favorite right?” I immediately dialed the delivery hotline before he might insist in going to the Green House. Forgive me Brandon. “How can I say no to the queen?” He told me nicely with a handsome smile.

 

We stayed at the living room while waiting for the delivery. I actually enjoyed Brandon’s company, for the first time in three years I began to appreciate his efforts for me. I can still remember the day when he confessed to me about his feelings, it was after the final defense of our research paper last year, where we have been assigned to be partners.

 

—-

“Heather Addison?” I think it was my insensitive nerves back then that I didn’t came to realize how handsome his dimples were, and his neat face without any mustache looks like. He came to approach me after our professor in Medical Research assigned the both of us to be partners in our Baby Thesis. The real research will be after the internship but as early as our second year in med school, we were trained already to be exposed with lots of research works. And I think it was heaven’s supernatural intervention that Brandon was given to me as a partner. He’s the perfect research partner you’ll ever find in Richmond.

 

“You are Brandon Han, if I’m not mistaken right?” I responded.
I saw him curved his lips and showed me the most handsome smile, but due to my broken heart back then I was totally blinded not see that.

“Yes that’s me, if you’re curious about my last name. I’m a hybrid human being that’s why I look supernaturally handsome.” He pulled out the nicest charm he could show me off, trying to impress me with that.

“Just to be sure, you’re not an alien right?” I asked him politely in a very serious manner.

“Of course not, I’m made out of the gods.” So he feels like I was kidding and with that small conversation, we’re like close friends already – but not to me actually.

“Oh really? Alright then. I believe you. Anyways, let’s start our work from this archives that I already collected yesterday from the library, these will help us a lot.” As serious I can be, I mistakenly have taken him for granted and was focused at our research right away.

 

I came back to my senses when I heard the doorbell ringing and told Brandon to get the order while I prepare the table.

“Somebody delivered this for you,” Brandon was in full hands. On his right hand was the ordered food and on his left was a big bouquet of red roses with a small card placed.

“Where did you get that?” I was surprised also.

“Outside, it was lying on the floor when I came to get the food.”

I took the bouquet and opened the envelope, inside was a message saying:

I want to make up with you, let’s have a fresh start.

Please, accept my apologies. –S

“Who is S?” Brandon asked trying not to look annoyed and jealous.

“I’m not sure who is he, but I don’t think this is news worthy. I’ll put away the flowers first, and let’s have dinner alright.” I sounded like I don’t mind it all. I’m not sure to myself if I was faking it at the front of Brandon, or truly I say I don’t mind whoever Mr. S is. I don’t want to assume that it’s Sky because that was my mistake before.

Whoever you are, I don’t mind. Whatever.

“You’re keeping the flowers?!” Brandon looks annoyed

“I don’t want to waste it, it’s such a pretty thing you know.” I said while putting them on a vase.

“If I gave you flowers, would you keep it also?” Brandon asked with curiosity

“Why would you give me?” Asking like I don’t know the answer.

“To make you feel, what I feel for you.” Suddenly he became serious. Heather look what you did!!! What now?

 “Look Heather, I’ve been waiting for a year now, it’s not that I’m pressuring you, I can wait. I am willing to wait, you know that. It’s just that I want to show to you how much I feel for you. Why don’t you want me to?” there was sadness in his eyes, when he was telling me this.

I was stunned and caught off guard, I didn’t know this was coming and I’m not prepared to give him yet a concrete answer.

“You don’t have to answer me now, just let me show my love to you even in such simple and small ways, alright?” Brandon added.

I nodded and faced the food. I thank God for making Brandon thoughtful and considerate for now I don’t have to stress myself about this. Commitment is such a heavy word, we don’t just easily take it without considering the object or the subject of what you’re committing to. Commitment sticks us to something that is expected to be with us for forever.

 

Clandestine – Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Clandestine as far as I remember, it was during my junior year where I first encountered this word which means “secret” and even though how much I like the word – it cannot be applied to me, or in other words I cannot trust myself in hiding a secret especially for a long time. I’m supposed to be a transparent person, whenever I feel something it’s usually obvious in my entire face.

I’m surprised that during the time I stayed here in Richmond no one in my org came to realize that I am here studying medicine, no one notice or maybe no one cares that much to even notice me.

Although I came to wonder why they haven’t found it out the soonest I imagine it would be but still I’m grateful that they didn’t noticed my stay in here, it spared me from all the questions and curiosities of the people especially to those who know about my past with Sky. A lot of people positively thought that we will end up together and even I myself thought that too but the truth is no matter how much we feel “secured” with what we feel it is never the basis of our decision.

I came to realize that my feelings for Sky was unstable by then, I only feel the hazy-crazy emotions whenever we spend time talking non-sense on Skype, or whenever he sends me SMS asking how am I doing but honestly throughout the “three years of virtual friendship” there’s nothing much to say or to cherish about it, I think it might be close to as nothing.

I’m not sure what has been up to me that I was enchanted with the thought of having him around for the rest of my life. Now that I think of it, there’s nothing much left to say to him. Six years have passed, my feelings for him has already faded and there’s no more connection between me and him.

 

“Look whose here? Heather Addison. The most efficient and effective student leader in the third year of President McCollins Administration. I never thought you would come back in Richmond in forever.” Clark blasted when he came and saw me. He knows everything about the past since he is my batch mate and has been greatly involved in my past situation that I am imprisoned in.

“Clark, you’re still loud and noisy. Hush now we’re getting old for enthusiasm.” I told him while busy roasting the marshmallows in the bon fire. I didn’t expect that I would stay until night time in there, it was this time that the alumni are so visible in the party because they’re office hours are already done.

“You’re talking about enthusiasm, when in fact you are the Queen of it. What happen to our legendary Heather Addison? Did someone broke your heart to make a sudden change?” Clark blunted, while I tried to hide the blushing on my face, since what he just told is true and adding up to the moment is Sky’s presence who was silent sitting at the other side of the bon fire.

“Uhm, nothing happen. I’m still me, don’t worry I will still bully you, Clark. Ha-ha.” I told him with clouded efforts.

“So who brought you here, Heather? It’s been years since you haven’t showed up.” Clark said

“Oh it’s because I’m just adequately scheduled that’s why I haven’t displayed much of myself lately.” I explained, while making smores.

“Really huh? You’ve been busy about what?” John asked. One of Clark’s colleagues and close friend of mine back in college.

“Well, you know, medicine. Taking this degree is more than enough to consume my time alright.” Way to go Heather, explain yourself.

“Cool Heathy Pathy, when you become a doctor we will be so proud of you our Doctor Baby.” Beau told me, this guy is surely my forever bully friend.

“What baby? Hey I’m not a baby anymore, you bully monster” and thus the Heather that I was used to have resurrected, I have come alive. I was once lost because of my wrong understanding of love, and the Creator brought me back to the right path using His own definition of love.

 

“Heather?”

I slowly turn my back to check and see if I actually heard him say my name, or I’m afraid that I’m just hallucinating.

“Heather?” once again Sky called my name.

It was a long day and I am so eager to go home and get some sleep but his impulses and the feeling of urgency that we need to talk was felt by my usual insensitive nerves.

“Y-yeah?” I suddenly felt like I swallowed my entire tongue, finding no words to speak.

“It’s been a long while. How are you Heather?” He asked me in a very calm voice, asking that question as if he had forgotten the incident at the Green House.

“I’m doing fine, I guess.” Avoiding his meaningful gaze. I’m not sure if he felt the bitterness in my voice but I hope not.

“You’re looking great by the way, brunette looks good on you.” I can really feel that he’s trying to lift up the awkward moment.

Same Sky that I know, trying to act as if nothing happened. Oh well, I’m not buying this one, not this time.

“Yeah? It’s been three years since I maintained this color, you know, just like ordinary people do – changing their looks as they move on with their lives.” I said, unminding whether he would misunderstood me.

“But, you’re not one of the “ordinary people” as far as I know.” He told me.

 

Well, you don’t know me anymore. People change they grow and they learn from their foolish mistakes.

I wanted to tell him that, but instead I flash him a smile and said “Well, that’s you’re idea of me. Anyways I’m kind of tired because of the whole day event, I guess I’ll go ahead”

Nice try, Heather. I can’t wait to end this moment now.

 

“Hey, you don’t escape that fast. If you still remember what happen at my restaurant I think you owe me an apology.” He said charmingly, as if trying to seduce me using his perfect white smile.

“What did you say? Y-your restaurant?” I feel so embarrassed. I feel like all the blood from my lower extremities went up to my entire face making me look like a tomato.

“Yeah, the Green House is one of our family businesses, as of now I’m the one taking care of the entire chain.” He said looking at the floor in a small voice, trying not to spill the information.

“Even if you’re the president of that restaurant I don’t think I will still apologize to you.” At the back of my mind, he deserves that humiliation.

He has given me so much pain back in the past that what happen at the Green House was the least I could do to compensate my broken heart.

 

“Pardon me? Are you telling that just to hold on to your pride?” Sky’s bluntness have soared high.

“You know what Sky? I don’t have energy for this, if you want to talk about something, tell it frankly, I’ll accept whatever you’ll going to say just spare me from you’re stressful bluntness. I don’t need that now.” As irritated as I am, I don’t care anymore if I sounded harsh – there’s nothing more for me to preserve. If he wants to know more things about me, then he must realize how I have changed a LOT.

“You sounded like a different person just now, what happen to the Heather I know?” He said with a disappointed look.

“She doesn’t exist anymore Sky, she’s gone.” Coldly I told him. There was a long pause, I tried avoiding his gaze, it seems like he was not convince of what I just told him.

After a while looking at my watch I told him, “I better go, I hope to see you never again.” I said it directly into his face.

 

I turned back and walked fast, trying to prevent the tears trying to fall down from my face. I ran into my car and went home. I didn’t give him some explanations, I didn’t give the chance to explain himself or to give him a chance at least for us to be friends again.

I cried not because of the hopelessness, but because of what I have portrayed to him. The charming-bubbly-pleasing-to-everybody Heather is no longer available for him to enjoy. I know I can still pull out that side of me in the future, but not to him or for him. My heart was so innocent way back in my college years, I was foolishly entrusting to him my fragile heart, hoping, praying and assuming that after college he would pursue me and we could have a life together.

I was confident that what I had felt for him was true and sincere. I faithfully preserved myself and didn’t look for anyone else because in my mind I am reserved for the one and only prince and owner of my heart. I thought it was Sky, I didn’t realize that everything that I foolishly felt back then we’re all illusions and mere fiction. I created a perfect version of him inside my head and put it inside my heart. I based everything I know about him, according to what he’s telling me through online chats and phone calls. Our friendship back then was all virtual, it was never real.

I unconsciously imprisoned myself into the virtual world where every idealistic perceptions I tried to cave in. The worst thing I made was that I place a person to be involved in my unrealistic world of imagination.

 

In short, I was blinded all by my emotions and feelings. I was mastered and greatly manipulated with what I thought was real but actually is just an illusion. I didn’t saw the thin line of boundary between what’s real and what’s not. I thought life is a fairytale but actually it’s a nightmare.

 

 

Clandestine – Chapter 6

Chapter Six

I went to the event which happens to be a poolside barbecue party. Gladly I just wore casual sleeves and shorts, so I just look fine but not out of place. Almost fifty people are there and I saw some playing the guitar and singing familiar songs we love to sing before, most of the people are new to me since I haven’t got the chance to join such gathering for a very long time. I thought to myself if Brandon was here, will he be able to enjoy such fellowship? Now that makes me wonder.

“Hi Addi. Welcome to the 55th PROVERBS Anniversary. I hope you will enjoy your time with us, since you’re a VIP you get to sit with the best people of our district.” Geraldine warmly welcomed and ushered me to a table where familiar faces were sitting.

“Oh dear, Its okay if I don’t seat with the VIPs I can just go and seat to normal tables you know, please it’s fine if you don’t bring me there. I beg you.” I was so hesitant

“It’s okay Addi, you’ll enjoy your time.” she said smilingly and I’m starting to get annoyed.

Oh now what do I do? This cannot be happening. I don’t want to be found out. My peaceful life will forever be lost if they saw me. I need to find a way to avoid this.

“Hm by the way Cath, where are the foods being served? I think I’ll go and have some snacks first.” I said to one of the twins

“Oh, you mean the barbecues? It’s up there, we can go there together.” Catherine was so accommodating, she entertained me well and gave me some barbecues while I am turning my back away from the VIP table, obviously avoiding someone.

When I turned to check I saw Geraldine talking to one of them I was curious what they were talking about so I came nearer but hiding around the green bushes around the pool.

“Hey Geraldine, what’s up?” a guys who wore a flowery polo shirt greeted one of the twins.

“Doing great, you know. Catherine and I were so glad we were able to invite someone for today’s event. She’s an alumni and I love her curly blonde hair.” Catherine blabbed

“An alumni? What’s her name, I might know the person” Sky asked.

“I forgot her last name but I think her name is ‘Addi’ from Alabama district.” Catherine spilled it out.
Nooooo this can’t be, come to think of it. It was him of all people to ask. Oh no. I need to leave this place as soon as possible.

 

“Addi? From Alabama? I’m not so sure if I know someone whose name is Addi from there. The Addi I know is from the district of Colossi.” Sky mumbled.

“Oh don’t worry you’ll going to meet her, in fact she just arrived earlier. Wait I’ll go and fetch her.” Catherine said excitedly.

 

What should I do? I can’t hide behind the bush for long and I don’t wish to go and to talk to them now. Surely there will be a lot of interrogations and questions. 

 

Catherine caught me staring blankly ahead and looking stressed out.

“Hey there sissy, what’s with the face? Come on, I need you to go with me, I’ll introduce you to someone.” She gave me a wink.

“Do I have a choice not to?” Still wearing the blank-out-of-this-world face

“You’re funny, come on” and so they went.

 

As we were going near towards the VIP table, it was just now that I came to appreciate the place. The pool was actually big and it looks great for swimming – I think the water is just recently filtered. There are some balloons around in full colors, and people are wearing their best Hawaiian attires, joyful laughter can be overheard, and a lot of young people just arrived some have joined immediately to the group of musicians playing familiar songs earlier.

 

“Look who’s having fun, today?” said by a familiar nostalgic voice, and I turned my face towards where the voice is and I am surprised to see my mentor.

“Oh! I can’t believe you’re also here!!” I said exasperatedly.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be? We aren’t supposed to miss such yearly event like this. How are you Heather?” Cindy Delton responded to my warm welcome gladly. I missed her so much, it’s been three years since I saw Cindy. She came during my college graduation, and after that I lost contact with her. I missed telling her every little detail that’s happening to my life, and every struggle I’ve been through. She was like a second mom to me during my college years since she mentored me on how to become mature in my faith in our Supreme Deity and she also taught me how to lead others towards our greatest Creator. She’s amazing up until now.

“I-I’m doing great, I think? I’m on my third year now in medicine and hoping to get through with it by faith.” I said smilingly.

“Oh that’s great Heather, I’m so proud of you. On the other hand, have you met Sky already? Actually he’s here also. You two should talk.” Cindy told me.

“Wait what? I-I don’t-think there’s more to tell to him.” I began to stutter I may deny the fact that I’m not nervous but actually – I am. I would flee away right now thinking that this is the easiest way out but it seems fate has its different path prepared for me.