Lost in Wonder

​I am lost in wondering when time comes that my affection for him doesn’t matter anymore and if God would give me the liberty to choose, would I choose him still? 

I am lost in wondering would there be still friendship that is left in between us despite the space and distance.. 

Would there be still warmth and welcoming despite the time and separation? 

Would there be still a connection despite the lack of communication? 
I am lost in wondering, is there an us? 

or was it just me, hallucinating after all 

Trying to turn my fantasy into reality. 

Was it me who believe that there could be a possibility.
Yes all of these activity are happening inside my head triggered by my heart and by the pictures and memories we had. There will be no drama if I hadn’t been too emotional and easy to fall in love.
Had it been for my heart,

All of this would have happen. 

Still I thank God for this heart, 

Because I took a lot of learning. 
My future is vague, what I know for sure is that the coming of the days are great. 

As long as I obey the Father’s will 

– which is to trust and move forward with Him. 

Learning to love Him first with my all. 

I know for sure that there is a victory that awaits for my soul.
#vague #wonderingheart #atlost #wander #beauty #heartbestill #JesusYourMySecurity

The weekend that will never get away

​The lens of my camera cannot fully record the things I have seen and I have felt from the past 3 days I spent with God’s great people in Cagayan de Oro City. 
The amount of blessedness and the presence of God’s greatness is surreal that I was too overwhelmed to even take it all in. 
There are a lot of unexpected things that happened, and most of it (i think all of it) are great. I believe this one weekend in July is one of the many great things the Lord has in stored in my life. 
I came to realize that if it wasn’t because of the Lord I won’t be able to experience all of this things on my own, I won’t be able to appreciate ate Elvie and Kuya Jason’s wedding on my own and on how they waited and prayed to the Lord and how God orchestrated everything according to His timeline and purpose.
My heart is full of gratefulness and thankfulness for what happened this weekend, although the event wasn’t really for me, but the lasting effect of it encouraged me to wait patiently upon the Lord’s timing. The Lord have shown His mysterious and amazing ways on telling me to wait patiently and joyfully upon His great timing. 
It was  God’s confirmation for me to wait, wait for a little bit of a long time for my love story to be as beautiful as how God prepared and planned it to be. That weekend was full of love & waiting & success in waiting talks. 
That weekend I saw again the person I’m beginining to admire, my heart was at rest and joyful at the same time seeing him again after our Cebu trip together. He didn’t do anything that is beyond friendship line but that alone made me admire him more. I appreciated his time and his presence, and I appreciated his heart to prioritize his responsibilities. I appreciated how he tried to cope up positively with the devastating abuse he experienced from the church he was serving. He was coping up by the grace and mercy of Jesus’ love. 
I never felt so modest, so at peace and joyful. 

I know that there is nothing wrong to admire a person whose heart is for Jesus but I also understood the purpose of this friendship is not for me to enjoy but for me to pray, encourage and support him in his spiritual and life journey. 
I admire him from a distance. 

I don’t know when will my affections for him last. 

I have fully understood that our friendship today is the most treasured thing I need to value.

and anything more than that is taken care by my Abba Father. 
I do not desire nor expect anything in the next days ahead… I do not wish for anything that can stain our friendship. I hope for something greater, and that hope wills to wait, wills to take time and wills to trust in the Lord. Knowing that God is in control and He will be the One himself that will create unexpected things and even desired things to actually happen in our lives. 
Not for now, but tomorrow for sure it will be. 

Do not worry, do not fear. 

Keep trusting Jesus, keep on pursuing Him. 
#steadyheart

You are my All in All

Life without Christ in our hearts, there is no reason to live. A life without the Father’s love is a life without security. There is no passion to move forward, there is no reason on why we should work hard. A life that is without Jesus is a life that is meaningless and purposeless. Yes we can be happy without living for Christ, but happiness is just momentarily and  by the time that the situation that caused us to be happy has already been passed you start looking for another reason  to be happy again and the cycle keeps on rolling until you get tired and feel empty and exhausted all over and over again.

Life without understanding what Jesus did for us and a life without understanding the weight of submission to Him is a life that is pointless, it is a life that has no direction. Life without Christ, empties us, saddens us, exhausts us, depresses us it is living in a space and in a time where everything is meaningless. It’s just a life for survival but not living at all. There is no beauty in this kind of life.

This is the sad truth, that even if a person is living his life to the fullest, possessing the things he wanted for himself, he may think that he has everything he need in order to be happy – but at the end of the day, his heart is still searching for that something that can fill the void in his heart, something that materials, adventures, relationships cannot fill in. That space in his heart that only Jesus can fill.

For the past few days I have been listening to Christian Contemporary Music, and I stumbled down to keep replaying this song |My All in All by Phil Wickham. The song says it all “You are my life, You are my love, You are my reason…. You are my hope, You are my joy, You are my passion. Jesus you are my all in all”

Whether we like or not, it is only the love of Christ that compels us to live our lives to the full, He came here on earth so that we may live our lives, and to live it abundantly (John 10:10)

Jesus came to satisfy the God-shaped void in our hearts, that only Christ can fill. He is the middle man, Christ is the bridge so that we can reach unto the Holiness of God that yet we were still sinners Christ died for us. He is the way, the truth and the life and no one can enter the kingdom of God except through Him. Jesus fulfills our longings, even the deepest desires of our hearts, He knows it too well. That is the reason that He is and He should be our ALL IN ALL.

May we open our hearts today, inviting Christ in our hearts, in our minds and in our lives because there is no other way to live this life with fulfillment and purpose. Only Christ can give us the real sense of purpose – and that is to honor Him and to glorify Him through faith and obedience, through submission and surrendering of our lives to Him. Leaving all our sinful ways behind, and start living for the cause of Christ.

The cost of living for Jesus is expensive, we can not even afford it by paying our lives, but the commitment we give in living to please the Father and honoring His name is enough for the Lord to see us as His own child. John 1:12 says “But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” (NLT) As long as we believed that Jesus is the Lord and King of our lives, as long as we accept Him and obey His commands then God the Father will always welcome us with His love waiting for us to live with Him in heaven for all eternity.

Therefore brethren, let us live our lives meaningfully and purposely by pursuing Christ more in our lives, by pursuing more of loving Him and growing more in the knowledge of Christ perfecting our faith in God the Father. Leaving our past sinful nature, taking less of ourselves – and having more of Jesus.

Be thirsty, be hungry for God because when we do – it is the love of Christ that will give satiety in our spirit and souls. Let us come to Jesus and put our faith in Him all the days of our lives. 🙂

 

#PursuingChrist #HisNameIsJesus

My Best friend is Getting Married

I remember 5 years ago, it was Abigail and most of my specialized classmates in the Leadership Training of PSALM Ministry that we had a wonderful afternoon talk about love and relationships on a nipa hut, inside the Camp Karis, training center at Ubay, Bohol. Although I cannot entirely remember the speficic details of our talk during that time then, but all I know is started a real friendship for the both of us ni Abi.

And she was one of the most beautiful, feminine, relational person I have ever known, from time to time she made me feel valued and remembered by sending gifts and letters all the way from Palawan, Philippines. I haven’t been to her place, and she haven’t visited General Santos City but our low-maintenance friendship lasted up until now, and just a while ago she beeped me up on messenger telling me that they already have the date for her fiancee’s wedding (which is also our classmate in specialize during the training) I cannot stop congratulating her, and rejoicing with her in this matter.

I know that we are now running a quarter of our life and its about time that she and Sonti should settle now. I am rejoicing knowing that this most awaited wedding which will happen on March next year is one of God’s living testimony about faith, love, obedience and trust. Their relationship both has been at the center of Christ’s will with a lot of waiting, silencing, quieting and trusting more to Jesus. I may not write down extreme details about their love story but one thing is for sure in here – there is a great love relationship that abundantly awaits to those who are patiently waiting and obeying the Lord’s amazing timing.

As for my heart, I praise and thank the Lord for steadying my heart, because I know what I have been praying for the Lord, He will also grant it in his most righteous time and disposal.

For all of us godly ladies who are still waiting, let us wait patiently, let us love sincerely to the person God has already prepared by the Lord. It is always worth the wait.

 

#dearheart #rejoicing #waiting #trusting

Matters of the Heart

​Five years ago, Summer of 2012, I made a covenant to the Lord. I prayed it over to Him that by His grace no matter what comes in my way, I will not get into a relationship. Rather I will focus my time, my effort, energy, skill and everything of me in my studies and my service to God. I made the commitment seriously, and just this year Summer of 2017, the covenant ended. And I wasn’t able to remind myself right away about it. (Because I was too occupied with things like career, ministry and family) but now the matters about my heart is haunting me again and before I forgot about the things I learned from the past, let me at least write it down tonight before it will all be gone.
Here are the things I have learned from the past 5 years about the matters of my heart.
1. Do not romanticize intimadation and overwhelmingness. 

– This is especially true if the person you’re talking to talk so much about the Lord and all the knowledge he knows about theology and all of the spiritual aspects of life.
2. Do not WAIT ON a specific person. WAIT on God not on him. 

– We have the tendecy to pray for someone we like, because we admire him and somehow we consider him as our future partner, yes you can pray for blessings for his life but girl, do not get easily overwhelemed with the thought that just because your praying for him he is already the person God prepared for you. Wait on HIM not on him (especially if you’ve been waiting for four years already but he hasn’t said anything to level up your friendship, and he never intended to pursue you)
3. Real love doesn’t do fast track.

– In this fast paced world, where everything is instant you might misundertood that the love God prepared for you is also as easy and as instant as the 3 in 1 coffee. Love is patient, it requires friendship, time, effort and trust to build a long lasting love relationship. If he can’t wait, oh dear it isn’t love at all. 
4. Confession is commitment. 

– truly we do not assume otherwise stated, but if one has the nerve to confess in person, well you might consider (or if you have already been considering him and just waiting for him to reveal his feelings – do not be easy on him by confessing right away) If he confess, let him wait for a response from you by telling him “I will pray first before saying anything” leave him a mystery, let him wait, let him be challenge and wonder what might be your answer.
5. Do not initiate. I repeat, do not initiate.

– Men are made to be the hunters, the pursuers, it is in their innate being to be the one to do the talking, the asking, and the waiting for our response. and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Us women are designed to be protected, to be taken care of and to be loved and as powerful as the effect of response we gave, other than that their is one more important task we ought to keep on doing. And that is DOING NOTHING in the aspect of initiating, asking, giving hints or anything that can make your potential love cheap. I believe it is the most difficult thing to do especially if we are wondering what ifs like “what if he’s going to find someone else” then if that happens certainly he’s not the one for you.
6. PRAY. DO NOT STOP PRAYING.
If his existence, bothers you… pray.

If his presence, minds you… pray.

If he keeps running inside your head… pray.

There is no other way as powerful as prayer. 

There is power in praying, and if your prayer is against the will of the Father, do not worry about that because the more you soak yourself in prayer, the more God will reveal the truth about what you feel.  Keep praying to God and keep asking for His help because it is only Him that can satisfy our longing for love. He certainly gave us this trouble so that we can grow and be more mature in this aspect.

He certainly allowed our feelings to be disturbed. Sometimes even shattered, and most of the times dying – so that a new living heart will bloom and grow. Like a seed that dies, a sprout will come out and it will signify growth and until it matures to become a plant that has flowers blooming  in it and  when the petals are falling a fruit is forming. 
Keep Praying and Never Doubt the Lord’s Amazing Timing. 
His ways are higher than our ways, 

His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

We can always trust Jesus even if things doesn’t make sense anymore. 
May the grace of God turn my sorrow into joy,

May the love of Christ turn my longing into laughter, may the dying seed inside my heart, grow and sprout a more mature version of me until He comes thee. 
O Lord, the God of grace and hope.

My soul clings on you. 

You are my rock and you anchor my spirit,

thank you for doing such…

and because of Your love 

my spirit and soul will not easily drift away,

especially in dealing in this little matters of thy heart.
#heartscontent

Loving Quietly.

​Loving in silence,

in quietness my soul longs…

patiently waiting,

denying my desire…
wanting for you,

hoping that you would consider me, too.

my heart is in brokenness 

realizing how silly I have become.
I don’t have anything to do,

other than the nothingness…

God wants me to.
I sleep in silence,

wishing that this waiting will come to an end.

That someday the thought of you pursuing me 

will no longer be in my fantasy.
Realizing that the waiting game 

isn’t a funny thing to play.

I sleep in silence, trying to pretend 

all of these feelings will go away.
#melancholicmood #patheticheart 

How to Avoid Another Heartbreak

 

The battle inside my heart is being intensified, not because someone poked at me but because of my selfishness and pride and how God is telling me to leave all behind the things I cherish and like, certainly there are a lot of good things happening in my life right now, it is so good that I want to keep it all for myself – but God’s ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He doesn’t want me to settle for good things, He wants me, He wants us to wait and trust in Him for the greater things He has prepared for us.

This is the reason why I am battling, because I’ve seen so many good things as of now, I’ve seen good circumstances and good people – that because of my selfishness I want them for myself and for my good pleasure.

Another battle with the Lord is happening inside my heart right now, because I know for the fact that God is telling me to move forward, to keep going, to keep trusting Him and run for the greater things he has prepared for me.

this isn’t about career, this isn’t about my family, this is about my most anticipated and most awaited thing in my life. this is about me worrying about my future partner and who will become the love of my life.

and I am writing this article out of my frustration and disappointment to myself because I know that I am becoming like Martha again, so easily preoccupied and worried and concern about the the future lies. that instead of being like Mary whose heart is for Jesus alone, who seated at the foot of Jesus and listened the whole time to what Jesus teaching about, instead of having Mary’s heart… I am in the battle of scraping of Martha’s worrying-distracting-concerned spirit in me.

This is a battle that has a very obvious solution, but most of the normal selfish people do, we have the difficulty to obediently follow it through. Somehow my spirit is sad, because just by the time that I came to realize that I adore someone that makes my heart glad, God is reminding me not to cling on my emotion because certainly there is another heart break that is in notion.

My final resort for this frustration is to cling on God instead of foolishly entertaining my feelings. It’s kind of difficult especially that my emotions are driving my mind all the time, I am to remind myself that I should be the one mastering my emotions and not my emotions mastering over me. So here I am, trying to leave all my disappointments behind, by writing this down and hoping that I may feel better again and move forward for the future that God is preparing.