Matters of the Heart

​Five years ago, Summer of 2012, I made a covenant to the Lord. I prayed it over to Him that by His grace no matter what comes in my way, I will not get into a relationship. Rather I will focus my time, my effort, energy, skill and everything of me in my studies and my service to God. I made the commitment seriously, and just this year Summer of 2017, the covenant ended. And I wasn’t able to remind myself right away about it. (Because I was too occupied with things like career, ministry and family) but now the matters about my heart is haunting me again and before I forgot about the things I learned from the past, let me at least write it down tonight before it will all be gone.
Here are the things I have learned from the past 5 years about the matters of my heart.
1. Do not romanticize intimadation and overwhelmingness. 

– This is especially true if the person you’re talking to talk so much about the Lord and all the knowledge he knows about theology and all of the spiritual aspects of life.
2. Do not WAIT ON a specific person. WAIT on God not on him. 

– We have the tendecy to pray for someone we like, because we admire him and somehow we consider him as our future partner, yes you can pray for blessings for his life but girl, do not get easily overwhelemed with the thought that just because your praying for him he is already the person God prepared for you. Wait on HIM not on him (especially if you’ve been waiting for four years already but he hasn’t said anything to level up your friendship, and he never intended to pursue you)
3. Real love doesn’t do fast track.

– In this fast paced world, where everything is instant you might misundertood that the love God prepared for you is also as easy and as instant as the 3 in 1 coffee. Love is patient, it requires friendship, time, effort and trust to build a long lasting love relationship. If he can’t wait, oh dear it isn’t love at all. 
4. Confession is commitment. 

– truly we do not assume otherwise stated, but if one has the nerve to confess in person, well you might consider (or if you have already been considering him and just waiting for him to reveal his feelings – do not be easy on him by confessing right away) If he confess, let him wait for a response from you by telling him “I will pray first before saying anything” leave him a mystery, let him wait, let him be challenge and wonder what might be your answer.
5. Do not initiate. I repeat, do not initiate.

– Men are made to be the hunters, the pursuers, it is in their innate being to be the one to do the talking, the asking, and the waiting for our response. and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Us women are designed to be protected, to be taken care of and to be loved and as powerful as the effect of response we gave, other than that their is one more important task we ought to keep on doing. And that is DOING NOTHING in the aspect of initiating, asking, giving hints or anything that can make your potential love cheap. I believe it is the most difficult thing to do especially if we are wondering what ifs like “what if he’s going to find someone else” then if that happens certainly he’s not the one for you.
If his existence, bothers you… pray.

If his presence, minds you… pray.

If he keeps running inside your head… pray.

There is no other way as powerful as prayer. 

There is power in praying, and if your prayer is against the will of the Father, do not worry about that because the more you soak yourself in prayer, the more God will reveal the truth about what you feel.  Keep praying to God and keep asking for His help because it is only Him that can satisfy our longing for love. He certainly gave us this trouble so that we can grow and be more mature in this aspect.

He certainly allowed our feelings to be disturbed. Sometimes even shattered, and most of the times dying – so that a new living heart will bloom and grow. Like a seed that dies, a sprout will come out and it will signify growth and until it matures to become a plant that has flowers blooming  in it and  when the petals are falling a fruit is forming. 
Keep Praying and Never Doubt the Lord’s Amazing Timing. 
His ways are higher than our ways, 

His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

We can always trust Jesus even if things doesn’t make sense anymore. 
May the grace of God turn my sorrow into joy,

May the love of Christ turn my longing into laughter, may the dying seed inside my heart, grow and sprout a more mature version of me until He comes thee. 
O Lord, the God of grace and hope.

My soul clings on you. 

You are my rock and you anchor my spirit,

thank you for doing such…

and because of Your love 

my spirit and soul will not easily drift away,

especially in dealing in this little matters of thy heart.


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