The battle inside my heart is being intensified, not because someone poked at me but because of my selfishness and pride and how God is telling me to leave all behind the things I cherish and like, certainly there are a lot of good things happening in my life right now, it is so good that I want to keep it all for myself – but God’s ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He doesn’t want me to settle for good things, He wants me, He wants us to wait and trust in Him for the greater things He has prepared for us.
This is the reason why I am battling, because I’ve seen so many good things as of now, I’ve seen good circumstances and good people – that because of my selfishness I want them for myself and for my good pleasure.
Another battle with the Lord is happening inside my heart right now, because I know for the fact that God is telling me to move forward, to keep going, to keep trusting Him and run for the greater things he has prepared for me.
this isn’t about career, this isn’t about my family, this is about my most anticipated and most awaited thing in my life. this is about me worrying about my future partner and who will become the love of my life.
and I am writing this article out of my frustration and disappointment to myself because I know that I am becoming like Martha again, so easily preoccupied and worried and concern about the the future lies. that instead of being like Mary whose heart is for Jesus alone, who seated at the foot of Jesus and listened the whole time to what Jesus teaching about, instead of having Mary’s heart… I am in the battle of scraping of Martha’s worrying-distracting-concerned spirit in me.
This is a battle that has a very obvious solution, but most of the normal selfish people do, we have the difficulty to obediently follow it through. Somehow my spirit is sad, because just by the time that I came to realize that I adore someone that makes my heart glad, God is reminding me not to cling on my emotion because certainly there is another heart break that is in notion.
My final resort for this frustration is to cling on God instead of foolishly entertaining my feelings. It’s kind of difficult especially that my emotions are driving my mind all the time, I am to remind myself that I should be the one mastering my emotions and not my emotions mastering over me. So here I am, trying to leave all my disappointments behind, by writing this down and hoping that I may feel better again and move forward for the future that God is preparing.